Four am

CANT SLEEP. My mind is just racing. Two factors, a hard crisis at our church with adultery and a big discussion about birthing with the couple I am doula-ing for and all that replaying in my head. So I prayed about everything that God brought to my mind and then had to get up for a bowl of cereal.
So much that I want to do and so little that gets accomplished. I am again reminded to turn off the tv as an evening default. God is good. My heart is recognizing the bitterness that has snuck in about the job he has given me.
As I sort out the feelings that occur while watching these two people at church fall hard in sin, I am so reminded of God's grace in keeping me where I am and how big sin starts with lots of small, seemingly insignificant choices. But by the grace of God go I. It is disconcerting to hear and my heart aches for the families involved. I am hopeful that God has given none of us anything more than we can bear, and it will all work out for His good....which is ours. There is a certain blessing at seeing our church handle this with the mark of a true church and taking discipline steps and not turning a blind eye. That gives me heart.
The pillow finally calls.