Despairing

Yes, so we managed to get to the merry go round only because my dear husband was very patient while I tried moving my despairing self. I have tried to blame my attitude on Christmas burnout, a sore back, family frustration, my perceptions of whether my husband was listening or not.
Today God has granted me a look at my own self pity and inert worrying. Despair. I am despairing because I am looking to myself to handle hard situations, or those that don't go my way (the best way, of course) instead of falling at the throne of grace and trying not to land on that plank in my eye.
Now if we can only get to noticing that habit before the house falls down around and I am in full out sniping contentious stubborn pitful woman!